


I didn't like the ending

by emilie_buckarootiger



Series: I hate accidents, except when we went from ex to friends [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: AU where the female character doesn't die in order to hurt the male character, From ex to friends, I don't know how to tags this, M/M, SHE LIVES, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), eddie will help shannon recover, shannon will help eddie see what's right in front of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26200810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilie_buckarootiger/pseuds/emilie_buckarootiger
Summary: Shannon Diaz thought she was going to die when a car hit her. But as she wakes up in a hospital with Eddie by her side, she knows she has a second chance and refuses to screw this up again. Her near-death experience changed a lot of things, but it didn’t change her mind about the divorce. It’s the right thing to do for their family and she needs to convince Eddie they need to do it so they can all move forward.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Shannon Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz & Shannon Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: I hate accidents, except when we went from ex to friends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902760
Comments: 24
Kudos: 109





	1. I have a lot of regrets about that

**Author's Note:**

> She lives! 
> 
> Just a fic to say that the 911 writers didn't have to kill Shannon Diaz just to hurt Eddie's feelings. So this story is about her surviving the accident and trying to make her relationship with Eddie works after their divorce. The first chapter is just the two of them. 
> 
> The title is from Exile by Taylor Swift (but it also me telling the writers I didn't like Shannon's ending).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covert art by [ronordmann](https://ronordmann.tumblr.com/)

Eddie doesn’t know if he can take her hand. He loves her. That he knows. It was never the most passionate love between them, nor love at first sight. It was the kind of love that felt safe and comfortable. He will love her in a way he can’t describe. She’s his family, the mother of his child. She’s practically the only woman he ever loved and for what he knows, he’s the very first and only man she’s been with.

They were pretty young when they met, but she was definitely older than all of her friends when she dated for the first time. So when she met Eddie, she felt like maybe she could be like the other girls, that she could love a man too. And she felt something she described as love. This had to be the precious feeling everyone talked about.

Then she got pregnant early in their relationship and their life changed for the better. They got married a few months after finding out they were expecting. Both their families attended the wedding even though the Diazs had disapproving looks written all over their faces. His Abuela was practically the only one welcoming Shannon with arms wide open. She could see that her grandson was marrying a sweet girl and it was enough for her to be happy with it. The pregnancy was not planned, but Shannon was thrilled about it. She loved that kid from the second she heard his heartbeat in the ultrasound. Her son, their son.

The perfect relationship she thought she would have, took a different turn when her husband enlisted before she gave birth to their baby boy. She was left alone, with her baby and Eddie will always blame himself for it. They are both full of regret. For the two of them, the regret started the moment they filled their bags and left. He left twice, she left once. And when she saw the car racing toward her, she thought she would leave him again. But she didn’t. She remembered seeing Eddie’s face before giving up to the darkness, she thought she would never open her eyes again. But she did. She’s opening them slowly.

Eddie’s hand is in hers. At some point, he hesitantly decided to take her hand. He’s asleep now, and Shannon can see that he’s uncomfortable. She doesn’t know if it’s from the plastic chair digging in his back or from the situation. His eyes are so puffy that she knows without a doubt that he cried. She gives his hand a light squeeze to let him know she’s awake, _alive_.

He practically jumps out of his chair when he sees her looking at him. He’s letting go of her hand like he has no right to even touch her. The word divorce is still echoing in his head. She doesn’t want him anymore. But she’s reaching to grab his hand back and he can’t deny her that.

“How long was I out?” she asks, her voice low and raspy.

“A couple of days,” Eddie answers looking at the clock. He stared at this damn clock for so long when she was unconscious that he can barely stand the look of it right now.

“Chris,” she said tiredly, Eddie guesses it’s meant to be a question, but she’s still too sleepy to form a sentence.

“He’s fine,” he says immediately to reassure her. “I told him you had an accident and he insisted that I stayed with his mommy” he adds with a tired smile. He’s so focused on her eyes being open that he has not looked at the rest of her injuries since she woke up, but now that they mentioned their son, all he can think about is how scary this is going to be for a 7-year-old. “He’s staying at Buck’s,” he adds looking at her face again. “He took the next few shifts off so Chris and he can have a proper sleepover. I would not be surprised if the whole loft is covered in pillow forts when I’ll pick Chris up. When we’ll pick Chris up, together” he corrects himself.

“Eddie, I,” she starts and he nervously interrupts her.

“Are you in any pain? Do you want me to get the doctors?” he asks. “I should probably let them know you’re awake”. And he goes doing it, without waiting for her to respond. He can’t have this conversation again, he can’t talk about it here or ever again. He can’t get a divorce. She doesn’t want him anymore, doesn’t love him. No one will ever love him. He always knew he wasn’t enough, knew he didn’t deserve her love. She’s leaving him. He knows it. But as long as she can’t say it out loud again, he will refuse to believe it.

He comes back with a couple of nurses and doctors that check Shannon for a while before leaving the room again. It didn’t look like it, but she was quite lucky. The damages to her spine were reversible and the doctors could fix it. She would still have to go through some PT for a while due to her severe injuries and her broken leg. “She won’t be alone,” he just told the doctor before she left.

“Eddie,” she says again, locking her gaze into him so he can’t run away again. He wants to. He wants to escape the situation.

“You should rest, we can talk later,” he cuts.

“Eddie, I know I’m lucky enough to even have a later, but-.”

“Exactly,” he says a little more sharply than he expected. “I thought-” he bites the inside of his mouth and twists his lips, trying to brush up his emotions as his father told him too when he was crying. “I thought you were dead, Shannon”, he bites his lower lip again and he’s pretty sure he’s bleeding a little, given the iron taste on his tongue. “I saw you on the floor, and I thought it was it. The stupid car almost took away from me, from Chris.”

“It didn’t take me away,” she says while trying to sit up enough to reach up for his hand but he’s quickly shoving them in his pocket to hide how shaky they are. “I’m still here. I’m not gonna let a stupid car steal me away from my son.”

“But not me, though,” he says slowly, he feels so vulnerable and he hates it. “What changed for you to stop loving me?” his voice is so broken that he knows he sounds desperate, but it’s just the two of them now. She’s the one who picked him up off the floor when he was sobbing so much after his first tour, the one who calmed him back to sleep the nights he was waking up from a nightmare, screaming so hard he woke up their baby too. Shannon was the one who fed him when he was in so much pain after his last tour that he couldn’t move his arms. And even when she was about to lose her mom, the only family she had apart from them, she was here for him when he was digging his nails in his own hands until it almost bled, before walking painfully on stage to accept a medal he never wanted. She had seen him at his worst. So letting his voice crack in front of his wife is not something he’s proud of, but it’s definitely not the first time. “Am I not enough anymore?” he poses and the tears slide on his face before he can finish “was I ever enough?”.

“It’s not about you, Eddie,” she says reassuringly.

“Then when is this about?” he shouts louder than he expected to. “Because I already forgave you for everything. I let you into our life like you wanted to”.

“Is that what _you_ wanted?” she asks a question she swore to herself she wouldn’t ask. She needed to hear it anyway.

“I-” he starts, not knowing how to continue this sentence. “We’re a family Shannon,” he finally says. “You, me, and Christopher. The three of us are together for the first time in a long time and the last few months have been good.” It doesn’t answer her question but this is the best he can think about.

“It has been good. And we are and will always be a family. No paper can ever change that.”

“But you still want to fill out a paper to tell the whole world you don’t love me anymore?”

“It’s not that I don’t love you anymore Eddie. But the last 8 years of our lives have been about waiting for the other to come back, to be here. It was about forgiving the other and trying so hard to do the right thing. We were not ready to get married. I was not ready to be a wife or a mom and you were not ready to be a husband or a dad. You did everything you could and you were more than enough for us.”

“I didn’t do enough apparently.” He’s blaming himself again. He had to do something wrong for her to leave him twice.

“Being a family should not be that hard, Eddie. We both tried so hard to get what we had that we forgot what we had was never perfect”.

“So, that’s it?” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “Is this really the end for us?”

“It’s the end of our marriage Eddie, not the end of _us_.” Shannon rectifies.


	2. Don't be afraid. We'll make it out of this mess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shannon fell asleep over an hour ago and Eddie hadn’t left her room since. He’s looking at his wife wondering if this is the last time he can refer to her like that without having to add the dreadful word “ex” before. He feels lost. He’s replaying every word of their conversation in his head, but somehow all he can hear is the words she didn’t say at loud “you are not enough”.

Shannon fell asleep over an hour ago and Eddie hadn’t left her room since. He’s looking at his wife wondering if this is the last time he can refer to her like that without having to add the dreadful word “ex” before. He feels lost. He’s replaying every word of their conversation in his head, but somehow all he can hear is the words she didn’t say at loud “you are not enough”.

He texted everyone to let them know how Shannon is doing, but he hasn’t answered Bobby’s text. He wants to know how much time off Eddie wants, but that is not a question he can answer. Will Shannon want his help? Can he still be in her life, even if she doesn’t want to be his wife? Bobby doesn’t know about the divorce. Nobody knows even the one person Eddie tells everything. He can’t tell him that the only person stupid enough to marry him, finally realized how unlovable he is. He doesn’t want to talk to him about it, but he still feels the need to see him.

As if the thought magically summons him here, Buck shows up with a sleepy Christopher in his arms. Eddie wasn’t sure his son would be able to sleep knowing his mother was in the hospital, but of course, Buck managed to put the boy to sleep. He was so great with him.

Shannon opens her eyes at the same time Christopher does and opens her arms for Buck to put her son next to her. He does it very carefully to make sure not to hurt her legs. The boy is still a bit sleepy and quiet but he hugs his mom with all the strength his tiny arms can muster. He rests his head on her chest and lets his heavy eyes shut again while she runs her finger in his wet curls. Judging by the unusual smell, Buck must have used his own shampoo to wash the kid’s hair.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” she says, breaking the heavy silence filling the room. Now that she is awake she can see that Eddie won’t even look at her.

“My pleasure,” Buck answers with a tired smile on his face. He looks as exhausted as Eddie, and Shannon is wondering if he got to sleep at all. They barely know each other, they just briefly met when she showed up at the station and Buck was too embarrassed by the situation to introduce himself. “I’m just glad you’re okay, you gave us a big scare,” and the 6 ft 2 man suddenly looks small and vulnerable. She doesn’t have to know him to know that he’s sincere. “I don’t know what Eddie would’ve done without you. He loves you so much.” Buck says genuinely and the heavy silence is back.

Buck looks at Eddie but the man had turned his back at them. It’s not enough to get rid of Buck and the concerned man walks to his friend to know what’s up with him. “You okay man?” he asks while putting both his hands on Eddie’s arms. Eddie just shakes his head and tries to remove himself from Buck’s hold but it just increases his friend’s worry and he holds him even more tightly. “Shannon is okay,” Buck says to reassure him.

“I’m not,” he snaps, successfully pulling away from Buck’s hands. He should not have said that because now he's getting even closer to comfort him. He doesn’t deserve to be comforted. He doesn't deserve any of the people in this room. They are all too good for him. Eddie is not enough for them. Buck will probably find a way out of his life like Shannon did. That's inevitable.

Shannon looks up from her sleeping son and lets her eyes on the two of them. She is surprised to see that Eddie is not hiding his feelings from Buck. He's as vulnerable as he was with her and she hasn't seen him like that with anyone else but her. Eddie is always in control, he never raises his voice, never shakes. He's the kinda man that rather let his anger eat him alive than to show his emotions. But here he is, in front of the man he describes to her as his best friend, open like a book Buck seems to have read a thousand times before.

Buck must be one special man for both her son and husband to trust him so much. “Talk to me,” he says to Eddie and Shannon would barely have heard it if she wasn’t paying this much attention to them.

“I can’t,” he says with a quiver in his voice. He bites down his lip, leaving a teeth mark in it. Buck gently put his thumb over his friend’s mouth to prevent him from hurting himself any further. It’s not even that weird for them to touch each other’s faces. Buck had stuffed his giant mouth with pizza so many times that Eddie is used to cleaning the corner of his lips with his thumb as he does with his son. Even though the other way around is less common, Eddie doesn’t flinch from the contact.

“Eddie, it’s _me_ ” Buck insists and Eddie’s eyes finally meet his. They are wet but he’s holding his tears. Christopher is still in the room. He can’t tell him about the divorce, not like that, not when he looks like a hopeless mess. His boy is not 8-years-old yet and he just got his mom back, now is not the time to break the news to him. Chris needs to believe that their family will be okay and Eddie is in no condition to make this promise. “You can tell me anything.” Buck continues. “I hope you know by now that I have you back” this sounds like a promise he made to him before.

She could explain everything to Eddie’s friend but she wants to let him be the one to tell him when he’s ready. So she just sits there, in her hospital bed, holding her son and watching the man she married crack open every wall he built around him. He almost looks small now that he dropped his armor. Shannon looks down at Christopher and runs her hands to his curls and can’t help to think fondly about how much that boy looks like his dad. He has so much Eddie in him; his pure heart and his strong mind are the greatest evidence that he is a Diaz boy. God, she loves them.

“Maybe you two should talk outside the room,” Shannon whispers. Eddie will not truly believe the divorce is happening until he says it out loud, and from what she’s seeing, Buck is the only person Eddie can talk to. He doesn’t want to leave Shannon’s side. She could have died and he’s being remembered of it every time he dares to close his eyes. They were saying goodbye in the ambulance. She was dying, he was sure of it. But she lived and now he’s losing her in a whole different way. Eddie doesn’t know if he can move. He wants to stay here forever, to keep looking at his son, sound asleep on his mommy’s chest, slowly rising from the movement of her living body.

Buck seems to read his mind and he gently guides him outside the hospital room, leaving the door open for Eddie to see Shannon.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Buck says. He gives Eddie all the time he needs to talk. He doesn’t want to push him. He’s here, he’s not going anywhere and that’s the only encouragement Eddie needs to open his mouth.

“She wants” he starts before swallowing hard. His throat feels like it could close itself to keep the words in. He cannot say it yet. But when Buck’s hand meets his arm again, he feels safe enough to say it. “A divorce”. The word leaves a salty taste on his mouth until he realizes that that’s the taste of tears he didn’t know were falling on his face.

“She’s been through a lot.” Buck says to comfort him “The accident was pretty traumatic, maybe she doesn’t mean it”.

“It’s…” once again he bites his bottom lip. The voice in his head tells him to brush it off. “It’s not the first time she wants to leave me.”

“You mean when she left Texas?”

“I mean the other night. She doesn’t want to be my wife anymore. She’s leaving me _again_. What’s so wrong with me that” he can’t finish his sentence before Buck pulls him closer to him, hugging his shaking body against his strong chest. He almost melts in his embrace, enjoying it while it lasts because he knows that it’s only a matter of time until Buck leaves him too. Buck will find out sooner than later how unworthy he is.

Even though she’s watching her husband sobbing into his friend’s neck, his legs barely able to hold him as he shakes from the crying, Shannon can feel in her bones that she took the right decision. As much as this hurts, she knows that they will be okay. All of them. She realizes that Eddie is not alone, he hasn’t been alone in a long time but he doesn’t know it yet.

This is the end of a chapter of her life; Shannon Diaz, wife of Eddie Diaz. She just hopes she deserves a second chance at being Shannon Diaz, mother of Christopher Diaz.


	3. You're not my homeland anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shannon leaves the hospital and go home with Eddie and Christopher. They have a conversation with him about the future of their family.

A week has passed since Shannon had her accident and the doctors just cleared her to go home. She has a broken leg and both Eddie and their son insisted that she comes home with them instead of at her apartment. For Chris, it makes sense that she will live with them, they are a family again and he misses his mommy. But for Eddie and Shannon, the conversation was much more complicated. He loves her and would probably always will, so accepting that this is definitely over is going to be tough, especially if he wakes up every morning with her. Yet, she needs help and he will always be there for her. ‘In sickness and in health’ will not end with their soon-to-be-pronounced divorce. She eventually yet hesitantly accepted the invitation.

Eddie is carrying her bags in one hand and opening the door with the other. Shannon and Christopher follow him in, both on their crutches.

“You can take my room tonight. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Eddie tells her quietly so Christopher doesn’t hear it. They haven’t told him yet.

Buck is still the only one who knows about it. When he finally answered Bobby’s text, he did not mention the divorce, Eddie stayed vague and said that Shannon and he had a lot of things going on and that he gladly accepts the days off. His boss did not question it and asked a firefighter from another station to cover Eddie’s shifts. This time, when the new guy showed up, Buck didn’t have to ask “Who the hell is this?” because he didn’t even care about the answer. He missed Eddie already.

Eddie has a few missing calls from his best friend but he ignores them for now. He is not about to let Buck hear him cry _again_. He is already ashamed about what happened at the hospital and he has been avoiding him ever since.

It is late in the afternoon when they come home and Christopher is excited to have his mom by his side when he is doing his homework. Eddie is looking at them sadly. They are both so happy that his heart could melt but he has to remember that she is not his anymore. This is not their life and sooner or later she will leave them, leave him. She was not living with them, but it could still pretend it was temporary until now.

He was starting to feel great again after their separation. He moved to a new town, started an amazing job, and found a family in the 118. He could almost believe that he deserved this new happiness. He could pretend that the separation was not his fault, that it wasn’t final. He kept his wedding ring on a drawer with the 5 words letter that she left him. The thin piece of paper never felt like an end to their marriage, never felt like the failure that it is. Back then he could convince himself that he would get his family back, that he did not screw up things too bad, and that the pieces could fit together again someday. But now he knows that he failed the two people in the living-room. He wanted this to work so Chris could have both his parents. There is nothing he would not do for his boy.

Chris is even more cheerful when his homework is done. He calls for Eddie to join them on the couch. He sits next to his son and puts his arm around him. Eddie’s hand accidentally grazes Shannon’s shoulder and he pulls away immediately.

“Can we watch a movie together?” Christopher asks, already thinking about the long list of movies he wants to show to his mom.

“Your dad and I would like to talk to you first baby” Shannon answers before Eddie does.

“Maybe now is not a good time,” Eddie says.

“Eddie, we talked about it. There will never be a good time for this conversation”.

“Are you two okay?” Christopher asks.

“We are. But we have something to tell you.”

Eddie’s mouth is shut. So Shannon speaks for the two of them. She explains to their son that she is not going to live with the two of them and that she won’t spend the night with his daddy anymore. She will not go back to her former one-bedroom apartment though and will be searching for another apartment as soon as she can walk on her own. She already started looking when she was in the hospital and she saw one within walking distance from Eddie’s and she assures Christopher that he will love it. He will have his own room at her place. This will be his home as much as hers because sometimes, families live in two different houses. They are going to be okay, she promises her son. He takes everything in, trying to understand what it means for their family.

Shannon is smiling the whole time, but Eddie knows her enough to know that she is still sad. This is not a conversation she wanted to have with her young son. Telling Eddie was painful enough, it was as hard as it was necessary. But this very conversation is so much harder. She has a letter in a box, and she is very determined on leaving it in the box forever. She will never leave her son again. The more she talks, the more Christopher looks at his dad who hasn’t said a word. He is trying his best not to cry in front of his boy but Christopher knows that his dad is very sad. It has been a long time since he saw his dad so sad. He was sad when they first moved in, or when he had a bad day at work, and Christopher loves to hug him so he could help him feel better. But this time he doesn’t know what to do to take away Eddie’s sadness. He starts to feel guilty, imagining he might be the reason his dad feels that way.

“Why don’t you want to live with us? Did we do something bad? Is it because of me?” he asks. He sounds so much like his father.

“No baby, you did something wrong,” she says.

“But I thought you loved us,” Christopher says, his little voice is barely above a whisper.

“I do. I love you and I love your daddy. We are a family and it will never change.”

She is out of words, so Eddie takes over. He can not let Shannon take all the blames. This decision might be hers, but he took decisions too, all of them leading them to this moment.

“You see Christopher, sometimes two adults love each other very much, but it’s still not enough to stay together. Your mom and I will always be here for each other and for you. Always” he repeats, he needs to be sure Christopher knows that. “But we are not going to be a couple anymore. All I ever wanted is for the three of us to be happy, even if we spend some time apart.”

“But it makes you sad?”

“I’m not sad because of your mom. She did nothing wrong. And I love her, always will. I’m going to miss her when she will live in her new house,” Eddie admits. He looks at her and allows himself to take her hand for the first time since she woke up from the accident. “She is not going there now. She is staying here for a few weeks so why don’t we appreciate this time together and have a lot of sleepovers here. Buck told me you made a great pillow fort together. You think we can do that here?”

Christopher nods shyly, letting the tears he hold slide on his cheeks.

“I’m not leaving my family Chris. I promise you” Shannon swears, sweeping his tears away. She was so close to never seeing her beautiful boy and it really put things in perspective.

Even though they haven’t lived together since Texas, getting a divorce still changes a lot of things for her. She wants to stay a Diaz, to share her son’s name and Eddie is not against the idea. He wants her name to remind them what they had.

The last time the three of them hugged was on Christmas day, when he granted his son’s wish and brought his mom back. Now, Eddie holds them tight and makes a promise to his boy.

“We are going to be okay.” Eddie says, and for the first time, maybe he starts to believe it. He opens his arms and takes both Christopher and Shannon against him.

Christopher has been the greatest joy of their life. The love they both have for him has no limit and they will always share that. They created a life together, made the most beautiful boy they have ever seen. Their son already taught them more than they could have imagined and he is strong enough to get through their divorce. They will have to figure out the custody arrangement, but it will be worth, even though they will miss him.

Signing his name next to hers on the paper is the final closure of their marriage. It is also a silent promise that they will not let each other or their son down ever again. A divorce is not an act of hate, for the Diaz, it’s quite the opposite. It’s proof that they love each other enough to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of part one, but not the end of the Diaz Story. Next part will takes place during episode 18 of season 2, Shannon is alive when Buck's leg is crushed by the car. She's still recovering from her can accident and both of them will need physical therapy ;)

**Author's Note:**

> What started as a [gifset](https://tarlosbuddie.tumblr.com/post/624562898838110208/shannon-diaz-week-day-7-free-choice-shannon) on my Tumblr TarlosBuddie has become a fic.


End file.
